Are we there yet?, are we there yet?, are we there yet?…

From this weekend’s bout of internet trolling that gives me something to think about for the subsequent week, I stumbled on the above video: “Did You Know 3.0″ by Karl Fisch and Scott McLeod. As both a professional working in digital media and a student who has studied the media and communications in the past, it definitely puts some perspective on this whole “internet thing”. Looking back on how the internet has come and integrated into my life makes me wonder. I remember my first computer was a family-shared, Pentium 200mhz MMX with a 10 GB hard drive that I got about ten years ago. The internet, back then, was mostly a place for me to instant message friends and toy around with “new” technologies like forums, newsgroups, and IRC. And oh, the dialup. I swear, if I had a dollar for everytime someone in the house picked up the phone in the middle of an “important download at 2.3kb”…

What struck me, though, was the speed with which the personal computer matured and got better, much better it seemed every week. I can recall meticulously going through the Sunday paper for the latest deals on high-tech gadgetry (it was fun to imagine purchasing a Panasonic 3DO or WebTV with lawn mowing money) and noting how every week Best Buy and Circuit City were offering computers that not only got better with more RAM and higher-resolution video cards, but cheaper. This trend of “Better, Faster, Stronger” (to take a line from some of my favorite French audiophiles) seems to have no end, especially when I drool over Apple’s slick new MacBook and iPhone, hardware that has become two thirds cheaper in just over a year since launch.

So technology is getting better, allowing for more information to be processed and sent. But at what cost? Are we all destined to become hard-drives made of flesh and bone, eternally connected to this centralized virtual hub that allows us to meet new people, exchange ideas, read news, and buy things? I’m not quite sure. To contrast Robert Scoble’s argument for increased productivity, I am interested (and somewhat of a believer) in information overload, the idea that digital potential far outweighs what the human mind is capable of processing. Contrast this concept with today’s unlimited flow of information exchange in the form of blogs, social networks, links, and mainstream content and I’m curious to see what effect all these online conversations will have on our next generation. Will they be good public speakers? Will they be able to handle themselves well in daily, face-to-face communication?

As for myself, I don’t subscribe to every RSS feed under the sun and don’t Twitter what I eat for lunch. I think the next step is balance, not capability. We already know what is possible; let’s at least entertain the idea of thinking about what is useful and what is arbitrary.

Second Languages

Even though English is widely spoken throughout the world, becoming a lingua franca of modern times, I am a firm believer that a second language should be learned for anyone who hasn’t already done so. Now, I know what some people might be thinking:

“Get off your soapbox, who needs Spanish or Italian or anything but English? They should be the ones learning our language; ours is spoken all over the world!”

True.

When I traveled throughout Europe a year and a half ago, I used English exclusively to communicate with people outside of Italy. Everybody spoke it – hotel clerks, random people off the street, waitresses, shopkeepers; it was almost like an exclusive club. I think the reason why English is so widely spoken is due to the fact that when people from different mother tongues live within close proximity they need a common medium to converse in. Put a Dane and a German in a room together and they’ll most likely be exchanging English pleasantries such as “Where are you from?” and “My name is…” in no time. While their level of English may be no where near a native British or American’s level, they still speak the language.

But what about the red, white, and blue?

In America, I feel our schools don’t push hard enough to educate our children in other languages; when the courses are offered they are largely rudimentary at best. I can remember taking Italian when I was in middle school, still being fed Luca compra la macchina (Luca buys the car) even after two years of study. My classmates all hated the fact that foreign language classes were required to graduate, many of them blatantly failing or not caring for at all for the coursework, hiding under the umbrella that the skills would never be used. On top of this, there still exists much xenophobia, often prompting many school systems to let foreign language courses fall by the wayside, sometimes even cutting their funding. Finally, practicality is an issue, some arguing the varying amount of language dialects make it redundant to learn a second language when, for example, a French Canadian and native Frenchman might still converse in English to better understand one another due to the different variations of French they speak.

The problem: Isolation from the rest of the world

Apart from these obstacles, I think learning a foreign language is incredibly fun and easy…if you know how to do it.

Many people immediately shy away from learning a second language because of the various stigmas associated with how good they’ll become or if it’s even worth it. People talk about how long it takes to become fluent and debate what really should be considered fluency. Honestly, I think it’s a bunch of nonsense that in the end is highly relative to the individual. I am definitely not an expert but I would imagine these are factors that ultimately decide how good a person can really become:

1. Is the individual predisposed to being savvy with grammar and communication?
2. Is the individual regularly exposed to the target language and forced to communicate in it?
3. Is the individual’s mothertongue vastly different in structure from the target language?
   
4. Is the individual motivated to learn?

Those were just my two cents, but some “experts” go even further claiming that true fluency cannot be achieved unless the language was started before adolescence, arguing that our ability to master languages is strongest at that time and after which vastly deteriorates. I imagine this is why some professionals will work abroad in China for an extended period and still not be able to have a fluid conversation in Mandarin or read a local newspaper. This reinforces #3 on my list; going from English to Chinese will be much harder and require more dedication than going from English to Spanish, where some of the words have similar roots. That isn’t to say going from English to Spanish (or any other European language) will be a walk in the park, effort is needed regardless.

To begin, I would say some form of formal grammatical training is necessary. I’ve heard stories of people “picking up” Spanish working in a kitchen or in a similar setting but I don’t think they would be able to write a letter or read a book, necessary to professionally function in a Spanish-speaking country. While grammar school is fundamental, it isn’t the last step and should be approached with care. Tim Ferriss, author of “The 4-Hour Work Week” (which I’ve been trying to get around to read) has written an excellent post on the subject and claims the class’s progress is only as strong as the weakest student. He recommends selecting a school where slower-progressing students are forced to be transferred to lower levels if they cannot meet the class’s level.

After some grammatical training, I think the next step is to experience conversation by either listening to it or, better yet, partaking in it. This is the exposure factor I talked about earlier. Here are some ways you might not have thought of where exposing yourself to another language isn’t hard at all and doesn’t require a plane ticket…or a friend.

1. Subscribe to target language podcasts in iTunes. Do a search for podcasts in iTunes while specifying the language setting. You’ll get tons of results with hundreds of programs in the target language on topics you might actually care about. And since iTunes does a great job of syncing and downloading the latest material daily, you’ll regularly be exposed to the target language, in the car on the way to work, from an mp3 player in the subway etc.
2. Watch T.V. in the target language online. Skip pricey satellite TV packages. Check out wwiTV for hundreds of free, streaming TV stations from around the world. The channels aren’t obscure public television programs but mostly the same channels natives in those countries regularly watch.
3. Play videogames in the target language. I thought of this one day and am surprised no one really mentions it when talking about learning a new language. It provides all the essentials: situational learning, visual learning, and conversation exposure – all key. Here’s a video that explains how to set it up:
4. Watch movies in the target language. Foreign films are a great way to learn colloquialisms and hear how the target language is actually used in a country it’s spoken in. You’ll hear slang, dialects, and curse words…all the good stuff.
5. Wikipedia is your Bible. I think reading gives you unprecedented insight into the target language’s grammatical structure, and Wikipedia has access to millions of articles in a slew of languages. You can also install an add-on bar in Firefox for looking up articles on-the-fly within the target language, making reading about Vladimir Putin and Liberace that much easier. For those wanting to learn English, Wikipedia also has a “simplified English” portal.

I’ve only scratched the surface here. From thinking like a baby to becoming emotionally attached in the target language, the methods are endless. Ultimately, I think living in a country where the target language is spoken is the final step. Many people might agree it’s far better to go to a foreign country with minimal knowledge of its language, hoping to learn it through a “trial by fire” type of method. I think this presents two problems: provided you’re not in the company of Anglophones, you’ll be forced to speak the new language and make more frequent mistakes, creating a stressful environment that will take the fun out of the learning process and might make you self-conscious about speaking at all (although generally making mistakes and correcting them is good). Second, I think people might become apprehensive about having to correct you at every turn, growing tired of your Tarzan-like attempts to order food and ask where the bathroom is. I would much rather have at least a fundamental understanding of a foreign language before I’d attempt to live in a country where only that language is spoken.

Second language acquisition is fun and it’s never too late to start. I can’t wait to start learning Spanish and hopefully French someday, myself. In the meantime, I envy these people:

…give kudos to these who you wouldn’t think can speak a second language:

…and think people like this should be ashamed of themselves for mocking languages other than their own:

Sarah Palin: Expert Communicator and PTA Advocate

Hubba hubba

I’m really not that much into politics. If you’re looking for top-notch political commentary you’ve come to the wrong place.

While I do have my own opinions and views, I’ve never understood how people can argue for hours on-end about politics. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s like going to the MOMA and staring at a Barnett Newman piece while listening to art snobs argue for hours as they try to deduct meaning or the artist’s intentions. It’s all relative.

But, what isn’t relative, is the Palin-fever I’m succumbing to like a cold glass of lemonade after a Dakar Rally. Politics aside, I’m intrigued by her mystique. The way she speaks, her appearance that reminds me of every Kindergarten teacher we’ve ever had a crush on (5 years old or not), and even the way she’s so “down-home” and “folksy” fascinate me. She’s like that little turtle you see in a Chinatown shop window that looks just like a regular-sized turtle only it’s little, inevitably blowing your mind.

We’ve heard about the bridges, the lifetime NRA membership, hell, even her affinity for naming kids as if they were Morse code commands. However, it was the recent interview with Charles (you can call him Chuck) Gibson that caught my eye because of the blatant use of media training communication and body language that was bursting at the seams like a French brazier. While I’m definitely no expert (not by any means), I’ve been studying communication for a few years now and have read a few well-known books on body language.

Now then, let’s have some fun, Alaska King Crab style!:

Here is the second part of the Palin interview I’m interested in; the first is all political hoopla with the “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” soundtrack playing. Gibson and Palin are both seated facing one another with the splendor of Lake Lucille in the background. I wish all interviews had this “come on in and don’t be afraid to ask for more grits” kinda feel, but then again that’s why this one is so special. Reminds me of watching Golden Girls with my grandmother.

Things that immediately catch my eye:

(:45) Pain tilts her head to one side while she’s mentioning “power brokers” and “the lobbyists”, pretty hard topics for a Republican to discuss. Tilting one’s head gives the impression of being less threatening, even some animals do this to show their inferiority to the the alpha specimen. Listen to her tone; I’d swear if I didn’t speak English I’d imagine she was asking for more apple juice.

(2:10) While talking about excessive spending, Palin puts her hands in a praying position, interpreted as a sign of asking for forgiveness. It’s hard to tell if she does this unintentionally or if she was coached to use such a gesture.

(3:03) Dammit Charles Gibson, you just don’t take any guff from anybody, do you!?!? Not even a hockey-mom that could probably make the best macaroni and cheese you could shake a stick at! Watch Palin’s right hand as she desperately tries to fight that aggressive index finger that’s begging to come out of her politician’s thumb press.

Thank you for being a friend

Now, the following part of the interview…the hard issues:

(2:13) Palin on homosexuality: “Uhh uh uh family uh uh community ummmmmuh uhhh I uh I I I’m not one to judge uh and uh ya know.” And you’re from a family of diverse backgrounds too? Me too! Sometimes my dad has eggs in the morning while my sister prefers toast. My uncle likes Egg Beaters while my aunt just reaches for a muffin before darting off to work. Me? I like pancakes and a punch in the kidney before I start my day; I’m from a diverse background too!

(7:19) Meanwhile back at the ranch, or Palin’s high school, Gibson brings up the possibility of the hometown lass banning books at a local library. Watch her thumb sticking out of her pocket and how she rocks back and forth like an off-Broadway extra on Grease. This conveys a sense of “I’m listening to you but I’m too cool and hip. After all, I’m a Maverick.” It’s tomboyish, but I’ll let it slide seeing as though Gibson is doing his worst Roger Moore impression this side of the British Empire.

I came across another interview that was conducted (I think within the same week) and by now it’s obvious Charles Gibson is fed up with these simple-minded, “oooh-Bobbo-doncha-know” colloquialisms that are clearly aimed to appeal to a Walmart-shopping, stay-at-home-and-watch-Jerry-Springer culture. Playtime is over:

(1:13) Gibson: “Haven’t you realized just how big of a deal this really is?”

Palin: *girlish arm touch to build rapport and charm him with her femininity, possibly to mask the hasty response that’s about to spew out like dinner after a night of Georgi vodka doubleshots…

“I haven’t had the time to think that.”

(1:36) This is my favorite move of the whole interview. Palin must be overwhelmed. She has to be. Anybody, experienced or not, would be. Just be honest and tell the truth. But instead, she lies. And it’s oh-so obvious because of how she’s firmly holding her hands together to maintain her shaky posture. To further make matters worse, while she’s saying how she recognizes her great responsibility, Gibson smirks “Hmph” and scratches his mouth, sealing the deal that he thinks this woman has no idea of what she’s talking about and that she’d better hurry up with his order of a Whopper and small fries. Burned.

(2:23) My second favorite part of the whole interview. Instead of clearly answering Gibson’s question on how she would repair the economy, she a) agrees with him b) skirts the question with generally-accepted truisms and finally c) speaks on something positive that has no relevance to what was originally asked. This is classic media training (gone wrong I might add)- be positive, avoid tough issues, and smile.

I did not...have breakfast today

It’s not all porkchops and apple sauce, though. Gibson smells blood and soldiers-on with the tough questions. I could continue writing about the persisting, unimpressed, and skeptical sneer plastered on his face the whole time like a vegan at a rodeo, but I won’t. I think’s it’s very clear Palin was coached on how to respond to hard questions even though she may not have had the answers to them. Her awkward body language and scripted retorts are painful to watch, even if I think she presents herself aesthetically as a classy, well-dressed, and attractive woman.

Take a look at this video below. It’s the CEO of the company that makes Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt, two of the most infamous, ultraviolent videogame franchises ever released. Where is he? On FOX News of all places, the equivalent of a snake pit for what he has to defend- violence in videogames. Look at his controlled responses: well thought out, directly answers the question, and is knowledgable on what he’s talking about. While some may argue the reporter may have went soft on him, I disagree. This is an excellent example of how to handle a tough interview. Well done, Strauss. Now here’s a cookie.

There it is. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of all of this in the following months and I thi…wait…hold on, I just got an important phone call:

"Hey 'cesco, we hangin' tonight or what? Hooters closes at 9 so I can swing by your place at around 7:30 if that's cool."

Impressions from Italy

I just got back from a two-week stay in Italy and after some reflecting I really think this time was different. In the past, my visits were more of a “see family, eat their food, see some sights” type of deal. This time, however, I think I really got into the nerve center of what it means to be Italian and what their daily life is like, meeting and mingling with Italians from all over.

The most interesting thing I got to experience was heading further north from where my family is in Pescara into Pesaro, considered to be the middle or centro of Italy. Even though Italy has been a united country for the better part of 150 years, there is still widespread segregation among its states, namely between the north, central, and southern regions. Generally speaking, southern Italians, a blanket term covering the regions of Sicily, Puglia, Calabria, and especially the city of Naples, are seen as corrupt delinquents by northern citizens, claiming they’re lazy, good-for-nothings that stay home all day unemployed being predisposed to acting violent. In turn, a fair amount of southern Italians generally believe northerners work too hard and life up north, while offering more opportunities, is stressful and not as emblematic of la dolce vita, “the sweet life” of good food and copious amounts of leisure activity that southerners claim to enjoy more.

Playing on this north vs. south discussion, while I was there, a large group of Neapolitan soccer fans caused a riot and laid siege to Trenitalia, the national train system that connects all of Italy. After a heated match, scores of Neapolitan Ultras (devoted fans that belong to organized clubs) rushed the station and demanded all train riders get off so they could ride for free. The police had no choice but to meet their demands. They then destroyed the surrounding trains, breaking windows, smashing seats, and causing over 500,000 Euro in damage. The penalty? No fans at home games for three months.

I remember watching what happened on RAI (a major Italian television network) with some family as they shook their heads in utter disgust. Even though the southern region is stunningly beautiful, it is easily the most corrupt of the entire country. Scores of illegal immigrants from Albania, Romania, and Africa arrive on their shores daily and the Mafia holds a tight grip, still forcing store owners to pay the pizzo or monthly protection money. If the pizzo isn’t paid, it is not uncommon for the store to be vandalized and/or burned to the ground. Work is hard to come by and many inhabitants leave the south for better prospects up north; it never works the other way around, my friends from Pesaro explained, nobody heads south. Some even come here to America, where it’s extremely rare to find northern Italian immigrants.

a group of immigrants into Italy fresh off the boat, referred to as clandestini

garbagemen in Naples have been known to go on strike, leaving accumulating garbage in the streets for days

Coincidentally, the northern region is vastly different. The exotic, cerulean shores of the south are replaced by factories and sprawling industrial compounds that well-known Italian brands such as Fiat, Ferrari, and Parmalat call home. Culturally, I would say you can see a noticeable difference in the people, environment, and the overall atmosphere from as far down as Ancona, but I think Bologna is generally accepted as the gateway to the northern region. Their accent is sharper and more grammatically precise, the majority of them not fitting the typical Italian stereotype of being bronzed, hairy, and chubby like Mario Macaroni in Little Italy, but instead being fairer-skinned and bearing a strong resemblance to Anglo-Saxons. A northerner’s view on life is also very different, favoring work and education over la dolce vita.

Fiat's factory located in Turin, the hub of all automobile production (with the exception of Ferrari's base in Modena), the Detroit of Italy

I had this intense conversation with my uncle from Milan on how the south of Italy is basically raping the country and giving Italy a bad reputation for the rest of the world. His opinions were quite strong- he likened Italy to a cow, explaining how Milan is the mind, the section that’s behind all of Italy’s commerce, politics, and revenue, and Rome as the utter, where everything is processed and milked, the “sweet spot” of Italy that attracts tourists. Finally, he told me that the south was the posterior end, where the dregs of Italian society live. While this is quite harse in my opinion (I haven’t had the chance to wander Milan yet to confirm or refute), his views are common among northern dwellers. My friend from Pesaro told me he would never visit Naples again, that a Neapolitan’s aim in life is to do nothing all day and scam you. He told me it is not uncommon to buy a television in Naples only to discover bricks in the box instead when you return home and open it. A policeman from Milan, a friend of my cousin, explained he couldn’t imagine doing his job down south, he wouldn’t have the stomach or ethics for it.

Universally, north and south included, my friends all agreed that Italian life is hard. The average salary is around 1,500 Euro a month (about $2,500) with rent in most cities being upwards of 600-700 Euros. Factor-in expensive living costs (food, gas, entertainment etc.) and you can easily understand why the average Italian man still lives with his parents, even in middle-age. Our beloved America, that is so defaced by some of our citizens who have no idea of what trying times really are, is seen as paradise.

I was on a train heading south from Pesaro to Pescara listening to a conversation between a young man, woman, and older couple. Trains in Italy have these little cabins that you sit in as opposed to rows of seats so you’re forced to stare at the person opposite you for the duration of the ride. The upside is that it’s very easy to spark up a conversation and/or listen to one. The young man was doing English grammar exercises in a book and was explaining how he was going home to his family. The young woman asked why he was learning English and he said he had just returned from Miami where he stayed for six months, working in a kitchen and even getting married to a Cuban girl; he planned to return as soon as the six-month propation period to receive a U.S. passport was up. As soon as the young girl heard “America”, a flurry of suggestive arm touches and eyelash bats followed. She was smitten.

most seats on regional trains face one another in cabins

Instead of ruining the whole spectacle by blurting out I was from New York, I continued to listen intentively- I would’ve even feigned a rough Italian accent if my mom called me on the phone and I had to speak to her in English. The young man went on that while America is beautiful and wealthy, Americans are coglioni, roughly translated to mean “assholes” or anything more creative to that effect. He said that at 18, they all leave their houses to go to college and then get jobs and leave their parents to rot, even going as far as to put them in nursing homes instead of caring for them themselves. The older couple opposite me then quipped Americans have no concept of family or respect, that their culture is based on working and money. Still though, the conversation then morphed into that if they all had the opportunity to leave Italy for America, they all would. Gladly. This sentiment is widespread. My 25-year-old cousin from Pescara lamented he hadn’t learned English, telling me Italy is 50 years behind the rest of the world and that he plans on leaving as soon as he finishes college. Also from Pescara, my middle-aged uncle shared a similar opinion saying he hopes his children leave Italy because there is nothing there.

The young man on train was praised for leaving Italy by the people listening to his story.

Even though I learned of an Italy that is a far-cry from what you might see on TV or travel brochures, of an Italy that some might refer to as brutal, unforgiving and corrupt (politically, economically, and bureaucratically), I am still in love with the place. I love the fact that going for a passegiata (long walk) after dinner has no set destination, you just walk to walk. I love how style reigns supreme, how an Alfa Romeo is the most perfect assemblage of metal and plastic a human could ever create and yet they are widely-regarded as not mechanically reliable. I love how when you sit in a restaurant they don’t rudely give you the check without asking; they generally let you stay and enjoy your meal at your own pace. I love la bella figura (a good image or first impression), that even if your wife is about to leave you and you’re dying of a terminal illness, you still take the time to press your shirt, put on a smile, and enjoy your day. I love that Italians drive fast, even through the majority of their cars are the size of Dustbusters and go from 0-60 in the time it takes to cook spaghetti. I love how, as my cousin so colorfully explained, a middle-aged woman doesn’t accept her age and does everything in her power to still look vibrant and attractive. I love that my name and heritage comes from Italy.

I just love it.

Going to Italy for two weeks

Buffalo wings, meet your match and successor: arrosticini (salty, skewered pieces of slow-cooked lamb). You can smell the goodness just from the video.

Watch the Olympics online…sort of

The Olympics are always an exciting time when the world unites in the spirit of athleticism and personal triumph. In recent memory, the spectacle has always been shown via TV coverage, however, with events taking place at various times during the day, how is a TV station supposed to keep up?

I can see it now…

In a stuffy boardroom, scores of executives are pining for a chance to showcase their brilliance amongst their peers and make NBC look even more dreamy to the masses. “Pay-per-view package in HD!” shouts a bald head from the far corner.

Groans, mumbles…

“The Internet Superhighway!” stammers a shy 50-something almost falling out of his chair. Eureka! How about in addition to dreamy Bob Costas’ mind be-numbing insights and commentary every night after 7 PM, the games taking place during the day can be broadcast via the internet? Internet video is catching on, right? What about that YouTube thing that’s so popular?

Brilliant idea, mediocre execution.

When I first heard the Olympics were going to be broadcast over the internet via a NBC-hosted site, I got pretty excited…seriously. Internet video is gaining steam and I really think it will change the face of entertainment in that the majority of it is:

• free
• user-created
• able to be commented on
• increasing in quality

There are so many fine examples of internet video done right:

• Truveo- aggregates video from multiple sources like YouTube and MSN
• The Netflix video player for Netflix subscribers (which will soon be on Xbox)
• Joox- provides DVD-quality streams for hundreds of movies and documentaries

So why then, does NBC’s version of live, online Olympics coverage leave a salty, bitter taste in my mouth akin to swallowing a baby slow loris? Because the potential was so immense and they dropped the ball, corporate partnerships and advertising taking a front seat to ease of use and overall performance.

Going to NBCOlympics.com is like looking at a Cubist abstract. There are so many taskbars and buttons and “Watch the latest blah blah blah” that the whole thing comes off as shoddy. But what about the actual live video, isn’t that the meat and potatoes?  Of course. To their credit NBC, does do a fine job of alerting the user when events will go live, but once the event is live, you’d wish for a TV. Here’s why:

1. A download of Microsoft Silverlight is required. Why? Because NBC and Microsoft are having an affair and we all have to pay the nanny.
2. Every time you click on an additional event, this annoying high-school outcast has to spend a minute to tell you why GE is an innovator. What a cheap trick.
3. There is no commentary, but rather a text window that pops up with what appears to be the cue cards for commentators to read. Am I supposed to read the commentary aloud to myself? Is this the supplement to fill the void only a middle-aged, non-regional, perfectly-coiffed host can fill? It looks like NBC is paying some junior varsity coach from Duluth to type in commentary while he has free time.
4. Frequently freezes and buffers.
5. No full-screen. There’s just no excuse for this, even if it was 2 years ago.

I was hoping for something like Livenewscameras.com. An easy-to-use, light app that delivers high-quality video at the click of a mouse. Instead, we have a ho-hum outing that could have been way better. I do like some of the site’s features though. The 4-screen picture-in-picture was a neat idea and the presence of the Highlights section to give casual viewers (like myself) a quick re-cap of what the big events were is a welcome addition. But ultimately, there are serious shortcomings here that sorely need attention the next time around.

DiddyTV at my house tonight, bro. Who’s in?

I think it’s cool that recording artists want to be closer to their fans. I’m all about blogs devoted to the artist’s fanbase with content that creates a community around special offers, concert tickets, secret shows, and giveaways. I worked at a major record label and can tell you personally that connecting with a fanbase and building a loyal street team is fundamental to artist development.

But then sometimes, there are artists you really couldn’t care less about.

Remember Puff Daddy (P.Diddy, Sean Combs, whatever the marketing department needs to come up with)? Well, in the course of his illustrious career ripping other people off, a lot has been building up in his mind. So much so that the guy wants to share it with you all. And share he does on DiddyTV, his branded YouTube channel that is making hip hop fans squeal with uncontrollable delight the world over.

You have to watch the selfish, overflated junk that spews from this site like a wrestler squeezing a plastic Heinz bottle to even fathom it. It’s astonishing. The man’s ego has no bounds. Here are a few of my favorite, hand-picked selections for your viewing pleasure:

0:28 “I’m thinkin’ on all my different problems…” I feel ya, man. Hey, it’s not like there’s mass genocide, famine, and overall insanity going on right now in the world. Diddy’s got problems too.

1:06 “I look down and actually realize I’m running.” It happens to me too. Sometimes I’ll be eating a bowl of cereal and I look down at the clusters of Cheerios floating in the frothy white abyss like little islands of hope and I think to myself “Francesco, I’m actually eating cereal. This is no BBQ. This is me eating cereal”. Rene Descartes just cried a tear in Heaven.

2:10 “It really wasn’t for all of ya’ll to get. For the ones that get it, or need to get it, take it, there it is.” You just blew my mind. I get it.

“Daily inspiration, mixed with courage, power, and the strength to go on. Starring Sissy Spacek, Treat Williams, and featuring Sean Combs in a breakout role as William, the young stableboy with dreams of finding the lost city of Shangri-La. They knew too much. He knew too little. Together they would find the answers and unite a village. Mended Hearts at 9 PM Eastern on Oxygen…Live Out Loud.”

And in case you’re clamoring for some of Diddy’s latest hits and/or proteges, I’ll hook you up. But I’m warning you, the hotness might just melt your screen.

The Supremes of The New Millennium, Danity Kane:

Just imagine what the national percentage of unemployed make-up artists, plastic surgeons, Photoshop experts, and studio singers would be if Danity Kane fell off. Who needs talent anyway? *insert mid-nineties Alicia Silverstone sound byte

The Staten Island, Long Island, Bensonhurst, Jersey Shore smash hit of the summer- Donnie Effin’ Klang, son. Diddy straight kills it on the track:

The point I’m making is that while artists should be reaching out to their fans using Web 2.0, it shouldn’t be…lame. Videos showing how Diddy Diddy’s producers compose music in the studio and fan interviews are much better ideas than this rubbish. I can’t imagine a Diddy fan (wherever they’re hiding out) actually wanting to watch this- there’s even a video of him peeing (which I won’t even embed because it’s the most last-ditch, unimaginative attempt at being “all-access”). While some of his videos have modest positive feedback, the majority of the comments are brutally negative and even nasty to the point of being racist. It only goes to show that if you give the people self-serving junk, they give you tenfold in return.

Is direct response advertising the wave of the future?

I recently came across this video showing widely-regarded advertising guru David Oglivy giving a call to arms on the current state of the advertising industry. He argues that direct response advertising should be the new standard for the industry in place of general, or brand advertising.

Direct response advertising?

If you have a mailbox or a land line you know what it is- countless useless offers, cold-calls, and junk mail whose only purpose it to get you to do something now. Advertising professionals argue this is the most effective method as results can be directly measured (signups, call backs etc.). But really, I feel it’s outdated and not a reflection of where we’re at today.

In Ogilvy’s heyday, I imagine advertising volume was much less. While he surely must have been a brilliant man, I’m not sure if I agree that direct response reflects the changing media landscape. It seems everywhere I look I’m bombarded with “Special Offers” or numbers to call to get information. Madison Avenue seems to be missing the point.

Remember how TV used to be? Families would gather in the living room and watch what was provided for them. Content was controlled and available at set times. Now, I choose my content and how I experience it. I choose what I wish to watch, see, listen to, and in what medium I prefer it on (TV, computer, iPod, mobile device etc.). Shouldn’t advertising be the same? Shouldn’t people get to choose what ads they’re exposed to and how they wish to react to them? In an ideal world, yes.

I know for myself, the most effective advertising evokes an emotion in me, a feeling; it doesn’t ask me to do something. It appeals to my senses and creates a mood.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Pontiac GTO:

The Geico caveman series:

Any Benetton ad by Oliviero Toscani:

Toscani is a genius in my opinion- his work was always influential, inspiring, and put the little-known Italian sweater maker on the world stage. He had some interesting things to say during his tenure at Benetton that I think still ring true today:

Ad agencies are obsolete. They’re out of touch with the times; they’re far too comfortable.  When the client is happy, they stop trying. They don’t want to know what’s going on in the world.  They create a false reality and want people to believe in it.  We show reality and we’re criticized for it.

Jeremy Clarkson, I salute you

I’m pretty proud of being an American, but once in a while, I get this urge to fire up my E-Type, polish up my cockney slang, and drape myself in a Union Jack soaked with the blood of the Queen. What I’m talking about is our close neighbor to the east, Britannia. And there are very few of its inhabitants that pique my interest quite like Jeremy Clarkson.

Jeremy is probably what most Americans would expect a forty-something British bloke to be. He has an accent, drives fun cars, and has written a few books. But there are so many reasons why I’d pick this guy in a jungle fight to attrition against Chuck Norris:

He gardens with a shotgun:

Like King Leonidas, stares Persians dead in the eye:

Punches well-known and overwhelmingly snobby magazine editors in the face:

And finally, mocks French people:

The guy’s a beast. I can’t even begin to explain every single occasion where Jeremy makes me chuckle in a schoolgirl-like fashion; there just isn’t enough CSS code in the world. However, the sad thing is only British people and international car nuts know about him from hosting Top Gear, the car television “programme”. Hopefully this post will alert people to just how epic Jeremy is and also dispel the myths that Chuck Norris and/or Neil Patrick Harris are the supreme rulers of man-dom.

Just because it’s Gaelic doesn’t make it “Cuil”

I trust my life with Google. I must use at least 5 of their products every day of my life from Gmail, Google Blog Search, Gtalk, Google Maps, and Google Earth (which I must say has a come a long way from its beta to now having Street View integrated). Everything they make is so well thought out, easy to use in a non-pretentious-like-Apple kinda way and, best of all, it’s free. How can you beat that?

So why then is somebody trying to steal my sweetheart? Apparently some ex-Google people got together and decided it was time to challenge Don Google, but what they’ve come up with is the search engine equivalent of a well-dressed Paris Hilton stepping out of an overpriced and tool-ridden nightclub: all style and hype but no substance.

Cuil claims that it:

searches more pages on the Web than anyone else—three times as many as Google and ten times as many as Microsoft.

and that:

Rather than rely on superficial popularity metrics, Cuil searches for and ranks pages based on their content and relevance. When we find a page with your keywords, we stay on that page and analyze the rest of its content, its concepts, their inter-relationships and the page’s coherency.

Pretty bold, blanket statements seeing as how it gives results that look like somebody threw a deck of cards at you. But I digress. I’m really not a pessimist but with all the hype surrounding Cuil, you’d think the final result would be even remotely better. I do, however, like the clean design and colors of the interface. It’s like an Ikea without reheated meatballs. Ultimately though, I can’t see anybody using this current vaporware unless a major set of features are added to its interface to even put it in Google’s rear-view mirror. And even then, imagine what Google would be up to by that time.

But I’m also thinking Cuil might not want the role Google oh-so-nicely plays. What if they’re just aiming to rethink the search engine aspect and not worry about killer-apps and a complete digital ecosystem in the longhaul? It’ll be interesting to see if Cuil can really shake some multi-colored tailfeathers, but then I think of AltaVista and Lycos…wa wa wa.